Getting there is none of the fun

It took us about 30 hours to travel 1100 miles from Chicago to Boston’s south shore. That’s an average of 36.6 miles per hour. In reality, it was closer to 73.2 miles per hour and then an hour at a rest stop so Bear could release ya-ya’s. Never heard of ya-ya’s? Strap a preschooler into a 5-point harness in a minivan. Start driving. No matter how many DVD's, sing-alongs, sticker books or snacks you run through - eventually, the child’s head will start to spin in complete rotation while he screams the theme to Digimon over and over like a satanic chant. This, my friend, is ya-ya’s. Let me tell you, if the priest in Omen had just dragged that little girl to an Indiana rest area and let her run with the rest of the pack of rabid children, there would have been none of the spewing vomit. Take 20 minutes of wild hysterical rampaging, 3 trips to the potty and a big gumball from the machine and all will once again be right with the world. We slept for12 hours at my mother’s house then we were in the car again - making the trek northward to Maine. At this point, we almost had to knock Bear unconscious to get him back in the van. We promised him it would be a short trip. Maybe 2 hours. It took closer to 4. This kid is going to be dunning us for his therapy deep into our retirement. It was cold, and wet, and dim when we got to the rented house. Bear had his shovels and pails and toys and sat, disappointed. You haul a kid through at least 3 layers of Inferno promising him a beach at the end of it and you know what? You better have a beach waiting when you get there. Thank the stars, the next morning dawned clear and sunny. We eagerly made our way down the block and through the path bordered in sea grass and roses out to the beach. Glorious. Absolutely glorious. Bear raced around with a big grin. “Nana! Nana!” He shouted to my mother, with a thousand treasures to share... Getting here? Hell. The memories of this week, tucked into my son’s childhood? Heavenly. If only, if only…. We didn’t have to drive back.