A Beautiful Noise - 1/12 to 1/14/00

The shock was a good shock, but we were somber too. I had been spotting heavily a few days before and thought I'd had a light period. CD knew that. We were scared, and quiet. I called my friend M. on the cell phone during the morning commute. I told her what was going on and she urged me to call my doctor. So I did, but the the nurse on duty told me that my usual doctor was in the process of retiring (NOW?!?) and wasn't around. She would have to hunt down another doctor for me. I got to work about an hour later (argh I was working in the far west suburbs!) and immediately as I sat down, the nurse called and told me she had found someone who could see me. I stood back up and walked out the door. An hour and a half later, CD and I met with Dr. S. CD held my hand as Dr. S did an internal exam as well as ordering several others. We made light talk, until Dr. S was done doing everything he needed to do. Then he sat us down and explained to us that although I was pregnant, I was also bleeding and cramping in such a way that lead him to believe that my body was not supporting the pregnancy. He gave us a handout and told us that if we hadn't taken the pregnancy test, it was possible I would never have known I was pregnant - aprox. 1 out of 10 pregnancies end up in "silent miscarriages". I knew the drill, but this was CD's first experience with the "it doesn't always go well" world. The world in which you can be a little bit pregnant. The world where no matter what we wanted, there was little we could do. Dr. S scheduled an Ultrasound for us for later in the week. We went home with our "So, you've had a miscarriage" handout; angry, quiet, at turns telling each other it was fine. CD gently tucked me into the couch with my legs up. We didn't have a conversation. We just waited. After two brutal days and nights of spotting and cramping and crying, we reported to the local hospital for the Ultrasound. The technician made CD wait outside while he searched for the fetus. Once he found it (A jellybean, really), they let CD in and tried to get heart sounds. Sure enough, they found them. We just hung on and listened to the beautiful noise and cried. That was our baby...we were still, amazingly, beautifully pregnant!

Finding Out - 1/12/00

The 5-year plan (and there was one) was to buy a home, upgrade the car, travel, and bank some money before embarking on parenthood. Knowing we would want kids, I went to my doctor when we became engaged to get some preconception advice. He told us we couldn't start too early on the whole health kick thing. So I quit smoking (and gained 20 lbs doing it!), started intensive swimming 3 times a week and changed our diet. CorporateDaddy (CD) was given some assignments as well, though of a more personal nature. But 15 months ahead of when we were going to START trying to conceive, I woke one morning from a surreal dream about us being pregnant.I shot into the bathroom and began digging around in the Bermuda Triangle of stuff under the sink, sure there was half of an old pregnancy kit in there from a "near miss" month. CD was taking a shower, warning me that if I used the toilet I should under NO circumstances flush. I was a woman possessed. I found the wrapped stick and did what a person generally does to utilize it.Immediately, there were two pink lines. Two. CD was asking me what I was doing. I thrust the stick into the shower, inches from his big, nearsighted, brown eyes. The ones full of shampoo. CD took the stick from me and held it close up. "What am I looking at?" he asked. "How many lines are there?" I shot back. He squinted for a long minute and handed the stick back to me. "Two." He confirmed. "We're pregnant!" I shouted at him. "Oh my God it's going to be a girl!" he shouted back. (We had recently read that unplanned babies tend to be girls by a marginal percentage.) In my stunned state, I forgot his warning and turned to sit down. Flushing before I did so. CD didn't even notice.

Elizabeth's Pregnancy Journal - Prologue

This is my journal of expecting Bear, my son. I started it at my mother's urging as a way to deal with the stress of being on "modified" bedrest with a high risk pregnancy. That was the prescription for having a baby despite hypertension and pre-term labor that started in the 7th week. If you want to know a little bit more about the journalist (me) - go here. And please feel free to write me if you have a comment or question at: Elizabeth. I can't answer any medical questions, but I love to hear from other expecting (or already) parents - especially those who are also facing pregnancy challenges. On a lighter note, let me quote from one of my favorite resources - Vicki Iovine's book "Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy." "As unique and special as your pregnancy is, it can tend to lose its fascinating and compelling aspects to everyone but your mother and you about halfway through. And unfortunately, a pregnant woman’s need for attention is about as deep as the Grand Canyon. I hate to be so blunt, but it is important for you to remember, YOU DID NOT INVENT PREGNANCY, and eventually you will have to resort to PAYING PEOPLE TO REMAIN CAPTIVATED BY YOUR CONDITION." Dear husband and I are cheap. Therefore, I firmly expect that the only person to read this will be my mother.