Am I WHAT?!?!

For reasons that have nothing to do with my hair (ahem), Friday's meeting still went awry. I had my 30 minutes in the hot seat where Grumpy (formerly el Capitain) grilled me like a tuna. But that was expected - a needed course correction, if you will. It was after the Vendor slides that Grumpy decided the Subject Matter Experts (SME) were not moving fast enough on packaging the value of the vendor's product. We were off to the races, and how. We all called on Grumpy to conference in the SME's so they could be in the loop and contribute. But Grumpy was on a roll and there was no slowing him down. Grumpy's considerable mind was completely caught up - he had a white board and a marker and he was standing in the middle of the projected presentation MAKING NOTES like they would somehow magically transport into the laptop. (And one vendor was trying to do just that, typing and drawing arrows with a speed that would stun us lesser humans). The poor, huddled vendors kept glancing at me furtively. Like I was in charge or something. They mimed using my cell phone to call the SME group. They indicated the exit so hard, I think one guy gave himself whiplash. Hey guys, did you look at the Org Chart? Remember where Grumpy's name was in relation to mine? Uhhh, yeah? OK, then. Let's just see where this maelstrom of ideas and process takes us before we call a mutiny. And suddenly, he was done. Grumpy put down the pen, packed up his system, rolled up his patch cable, and put on his coat. "You got all that?" he demanded. We all nodded like savants. "Good. Get back to me on Monday." With a hiss of his black helmet, a twirl of his cape... he was gone. Cue Monday morning, awaiting the babysitter. She's supposed to be here between 8:30 and 9AM. I managed to crudely marry the two work packages (Grumpy + SME) over the weekend. Now was our chance as a team to do the hard work and refine it for Grumpy's astonished approval (heh). 9:15AM: Kidlet is into his second hour of PBS programming. He's eaten his Cheerio's, had a poopy, brushed his teeth, gotten dressed, and played with his Matchbox cars. In between, I've been playing "Pop! Goes the Weasel" with my DSL. Every time I run back to my office from tending to kidlet - link goes down. 9:45AM: Still no response from babysitter. Called 9 times but only left 2 messages (I don't want to look like a stalker). 10:00AM: Kidlet is now chasing the cats around my office while I try and conduct a conference call with the vendors. At some point, I am both clawed and bit (not sure who did which). Bite my lip to keep from screaming into my vendors' ears. 10:15AM: I'm leaving message number 3 for babysitter from my house phone while the office line has the con call on speaker/mute. Kidlet un-mutes the con call and asks everyone how they are. Leap with great speed from kitchen into office, reaching for the "mute" button in slow motion. Miss. Disconnect call accidentally. Since I was host, also manage to disconnect 10 vendors and 2 co-workers. 12 instant message (IM) windows pop onto my computer screen simultaneously. Before I can respond, my DSL goes down, again. 10:20AM: Banging head onto desk repeatedly. 10:25AM: Kidlet hugs me and offers me his favorite pacifier for a smile. 10:30AM: Kidlet asks me why I am so angry. 10:31AM: Defeated, call husband in desperation. 11:00AM: Picking up SuperHero Husband from his job downtown. Return home to get actual work done. Sun is once again shining, headache has receded to dull roar. 11:50AM: Babysitter calls asking when I am going to pick her up. Heh. Not so much. 2:00PM: FINALLY, Have led team to finish integrating Grumpy's (actually, quite innovative,) ideas with the stuff the SME group worked on last week. It is lean, it is clean, and it is great product. Cheer! Sing Queen's "We are the Champions!" to self as I hit "send" on the email. 2:05PM: D*&^&! Connection finally back up. Actually send email. 2:30PM: SME's and vendors and self together again on a con call, editing the final version of the presentation and spreadsheet. 2:45PM: I've used the last of my adreneline. A marathon run like a sprint with a preschooler "helping"... Leading the team by inches to the finish line on this con call. Suddenly, Grumpy IM's me: "Please call me now." I put the con call on speaker/mute and use my cell to call him. It takes about 30 seconds. He answers "Aren't I on speed dial yet?" before I can answer, he hears the con call in the background and asks, "Are you watching TV?" AM I WHAT?!?!? A jury of my peers, let me tell you, in a THOUSAND years would never... convict me.