Morons. I'm surrounded by Morons (and a post script to the YMCA disaster)

1. Morons at work. My favorite flavor. Underling Project Manager: Elizabeth, I have a really big problem that needs your attention Me: (Lost in fantasy of Corporate Daddy and myself on a deserted island, with no kids, no clothes, and ...) Hmm? Snerkle-who? PM: Please help me. I have a really big problem. I have a major deployment this weekend and my equipment procurement was DENIED. Me: Was the equipment in your approved budget? PM: Uhhhhhh, I think so Me: Did you find the cheapest price among at least 3 quotes? PM: Uhhhhh, I think so Me: Did you call the approver and make sure they knew to approve the request and why? PM: I'm supposed to do that? Me: When is your Go/No Go meeting? Do you have time for a workaround? PM: Guh? and then.... 2. Morons at the YMCA, who walk the edge of justified homicide: Peppy: Hi, Elizabeth? This is Peppy Deputy? I'm calling to follow up on your complaint? Me: Are you sure? Peppy: Uh, huh. Well, I just want you to know that we looked into it and we're going to be following up.  Peppy: Our schedules show that we will have and did have enough personnel to comply with all state and insurance regulations.   Peppy: I don't want to get into a He Said-She Said here, so I just wanted to thank you, as a parent myself, for giving us the opportunity to take a long look at our program and think of ways we can make it even better. Me: (In an outraged voice) He Said-She Said? Peppy: You know, there are always two sides to every story and we want to be fair. Me: What is the defense? That there were magical invisible counselors in that room? Peppy: It's possible you just missed the other 2 counselors, but they were in compliance. Me: MISSED THEM? IN A LOCKED RACQUETBALL COURT?  Are you trying to say that we can't look at a group of people in a tiny white space and properly count the big ones? Or are you saying that neither me nor Ms. Official with the State, can't count past "1"? Me: Lady, ask yourself - why the hell did I go through all the bother of pulling my kid out and paying an outrageous hourly babysitter? Peppy: Uh? Me:  Shit. This is like talking to a wall. Did you know that Budha once sat in front of a wall and was enlightened? I guess that's too much to hope for here. So, look. My kid is not coming back, and you're going to refund my money. Other than that, I have no control. Me: I just... please think. What could happen, because that counselor has no back up. What if those kids get hurt or GodForbid harmed? I have told you that you have too many little kids tucked away in a soundproof room that they can't get out of, with insufficient supervision. It's the best I can do. What happens next is on you and your conscience. Peppy: Ummmmm, well. So have we addressed all your concerns today? Is there anything else we can do to improve your experience of the YMCA?  3. Morons at the Human Resources, who take it to a new level:   Me: Hi, I was transferred to you by the other lady. She couldn't find the answer to my question. HR: Well I am definitely here to help Me: Great. Here's the question: are my husband's eyeglasses refunded as part of my cafeteria plan? HR: Cafeteria plan? Me: The money you have of mine, pre-tax? HR: Pre-tax? Me: Yes, the money I have withheld from each paycheck for child care or medical expenses? HR: Like health insurance? Me: Uh, is this Human Resources? HR: Yes. Yes. This is Human Resources! Me: For Mega Corp? HR: Yes, indeed! Mega Corp! Me: OK, well I am employee  987654321. I need to know if my husband's new glasses fall under the accepted definition of medical expense for a refund from my cafeteria plan. I submitted the paper work and haven't heard anything HR: Cafeteria? This is not a food plan? Me: OK put me on with your manager HR: No that is not possible Me: And why not? HR: My manager is asleep Me: Uh? Gru? Wha? HR: You must call back Me: I - Click .......Dial Tone