Random 5 for Friday

Look. It's like Lyle Lovett said in that song, or sang in that song. We've got to be honest, you and I. The relationship just won't work if we're not. So please, hold my hand, and tell me the truth. My little idea for last Friday fell with a "THUD" didn't it? You can tell me. Was it like that infamous lead balloon? But.. But... I blew my creative wad on Jay's Blogging contest. I'm DRY I tell you! So, - hey! Are you still holding my hand? Oooh! - So I'm going to try again. Because we need a little sunshine with our Saturday jones. So can we try again? Just once more? Please? Just a little farther now.... 1) The week's Funny Ones:

• Weevil, in a post about disappearing socks and underwear. Excerpt: I've bought him three packs in the last six months. We should be smothered in the damn things. Every morning, Tallboy should be surfing down the stairs on a multicoloured wave of cotton undies.
• Sarah at Que Sera, in a post about finding a roach during dinner at a local restaurant. Excerpt: ...my brain kept saying things like, "Surely your eyes are deceiving you...," while my eyes kept saying things like OH MY GOD IS THAT A THORAX?
• Charlie at Where The Hell Was I, in a post about antiperspirant. Excerpt: Is it just me, though, or does it seem like a bad idea to name your antiperspirant flavors after the sorts of things that would make you shit your pants in terror?
• Weetabix, in a post about she needs an immediate exorcism from... Stress. Excerpt: I wasn't exactly sure what Harold wanted me to do with my pretty pink putter. Certainly he wasn't suggesting that I actually piss directly on marauding foursomes?
• Beth at And the fish said, in a post about her new pretend celebrity boyfriend. Excerpt: ...his voice is so amazing that sometimes when I hear it I have to go lie down for a few minutes to recover. (That's why) I don't listen to him on the treadmill anymore. Don't lie down on the treadmill people, take it from me.

2) MY new celebrity boyfriend, Jason Issacs. 'Nuf said.

Thank you, Minx at Sequined Sensation

3) The weather report. Again. Whoever's kissing Mother Nature's ass? Keep it up. Send for me if you need reinforcements.

4) I discovered Technorati. And? They like me!! I like them and They.Like.Me!!

5) Karma. Look how it took care of the asshat from work yesterday. The one who talked to me about his new US$750K house in the suburbs. The one who said to me, with a straight face, "I don't know how people can raise children without a master bathroom." The one who confided that he'd rented a van to cart the new furniture home to save on shipping charges. ("They really screw you on those," he confided. "It's a real scam.") THAT asshat. The one who asked me which diets I'd tried (Skinny people TAKE NOTE. Do NOT ask this question of anyone. EVER. Thank you.) and recommended an illegal substance known to make people dead. ("You should try it. Don't like the drama queens frighten you off. It worked great for my cousin") The one who was hanging out in the parking lot as I pulled away in my dusty minivan. Waiting for AAA. Because his battery was dead. And no one was helping him. (I offered, he said "I don't think your battery would be compatible with mine, because I have this foreign car.") Heh. Karma? I think I LOVE you....